Age matters

WOMAN

When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after her.

When she is 28 - She is a ice hockey punt, 8 men going after her.

When she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.

When she is 48 - She is a ping pong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.

At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.

At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.

At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.

At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap

Women trivia

1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7. What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."

Laws on girls.....

1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that.

2. The nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!

3.The more the makeup, worse the looks...

4. "95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be around you...

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like, likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed to someone else

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity.......
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...

9. Rule 1:
Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)

Corollary to rule 1:
The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

Axiom 1:
The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (some smile for the guys)

10. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
a. You are dressed badly
b. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life

c. Have a bad hair do

11. All the good girls are either nuns or married. The rest go around with u and ruin your money, health and leave u a total wreck.

A tribute to all Software Engineers!

Apne Project ke bojh tale daba jaa raha hai,

Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Zindagi se hara hua hai,
Par "Bugs" se haar nahi maanta,
Apne application ki ek ek line isey rati hui hai,
par aaj kaun se rang ke moje pehne hain, ye nahi jaanta,

Din par din ek excel file banata ja raha hai
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Das hazaar line ke code main error dhoond lete hain lekin,
Majboor dost ki ankhon ki nami dikhayi nahi deti,
PC pe hazaar windows khuli hain,
Par dil ki khidki pe koi dastak sunayi nahi deti,

Satuday-Sunday nahata nahi, week days ko naha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Coding karte karte pata hi nahi chala,
Bugs ki priority kab maa-baap se high ho gayi,
Kitabon mein gulab rakhne wala , cigerette ke dhuyen mein kho gaya,
Dil ki zameen se armaanon ki vidayi ho gayi,

Weekends pe daroo peke jo jashn mana raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Maze lena ho toh isse pooch lo,
"Salary Increment" ki party kab dila rahe ho,
Hansi udana ho to pooch lo,
"Onsite" kab ja rahe ho?

Wo dekho onsite se laute team-mate ki chocolates kha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Kharche badh rahe hain,
Baal kam ho rahe hain,
KRA ki date aati nahi,
Income Tax ke sitam ho rahe hain,

Lo phir se bus choot gayi, Auto se aa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Pizza gale se nahi utarta,
Toh "Coke" ke sahare nigal liya jata hai,
Office ki "Thali" dekh munh hai bigadta,
Maa ke hath ka wo khana baar baar yaad aata hai,

"Sprout bhel" bani hai phir bhi, free "Evening Snacks" kha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai,

Aapne ab tak lee hongi bahut si chutikiya,
Software engg. ke jivan ka sach batati ye aakhri kuch panktiyan,

Hazaron ki tankhwah wala, company ki karodon ki jeb bharta hai,
Software engg. wahi ban sakta hai, jo lohe ka jigar rakhta hai,

Hum log jee jee ke marte hain, zindagi hai kuch aisi,
Ek fauj ki naukri, doosri software engg. ki, dono ek jaisi,
Is kavita ka har shabd mere dil ki gehrayi se aa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Software engineer ja raha hai.

Socialism

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.

The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.

The second test average was a D!

No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when
government takes the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that.

What a profound short little paragraph that says it all

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the
wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without
working for, another person must work for without receiving.
The government cannot give to anybody anything that the
government does not first take from somebody else.
When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to
work because the other half is going to take care of them,
and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good
to work because somebody else is going to get what they
work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.

You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

Muhammad Ali's Lesson to his Daughters

The following incident took place when Muhammad Ali's daughters arrived at
his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the story as told by
one of his daughters:

When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father's suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.

My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them."

He looked at me with serious eyes. "Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."

Source: Taken from the book: More Than A Hero: Muhammad Ali's Life Lessons
Through His Daughter's Eyes.

The Last Post

If any of you have ever been to a military funeral in which The Last Post was played;
This brings out a new meaning of it.

Here is something everyone should know. Until I read this, I didn't know,

We have all heard the haunting song, 'The Last Post.'
It's the song that gives us the lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes.
But, do you know the story behind the song?
If not, I think you will be interested to find out about its humble beginnings.
Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the American Civil War, when Union Army Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of land.
During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his encampment.
When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead.
The Captain lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army.
The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status. His request was only partially granted.
The Captain had asked if he could have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the funeral.
The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate.
But, out of respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician.
The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's uniform.
This wish was granted.
The haunting melody, we now know as 'The Last Post' used at military funerals was born.
The words are:

Day is done.
Gone the sun.
From the lakes
from the hills.
From the sky.
All is well...
Safely rest.
God is nigh.

Fading light.
Dims the sight.
And a star.
Gems the sky.
Gleaming bright.
From afar.
Drawing nigh.
Falls the night.

Thanks and praise.
For our days.
Neath the sun
Neath the stars.
Neath the sky
As we go.
This we know.
God is nigh


I too have felt the chills while listening to 'The Last Post'
But I have never seen all the words to the song until now.
I didn't even know there was more than one verse .
I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if
You had either so I thought I'd pass it along.
I now have an even deeper respect for the song than I did before.
Remember Those Lost and Harmed While Serving Their Country.
Also Remember Those Who Have Served and Returned;
and for those presently serving in the Armed Forces.