Corruption

INDIAN Numerology

A British Diplomat paid courtesy visit to Mr.Santa, During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining him with the following magic of numbers.
He said, " Your excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet :
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be :


H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only


K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only


L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only


L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only


Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %


Sir, do you find it useful?
This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase, productivity, and make your Kingdom prosperous. Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people.
We can do it in less than a year" santa singh thought for a while; and said,' I have better formula.

See this ......


C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 18 21 16 20 9 15 14 = 111 %...................
Do you want me to come and teach your people? I can do it in less than one week."

A Software Engineer in Love

तुमसे मिला मैं कल तो,

मेरे दिल में हुआ एक sound,

लेकिन आज तुम मिली तो कहती हो:

Your file not found!

ऐसा भी नहीं है की,

I don't like your face

पर दिल की computer में,

नहीं है enough disk space

घर से निकलती हो तुम जब,

पहेन के evening gown

Too many requests se,

हो जाता है server down

तुम्हारे लिए प्यार की application,

create मैं करूंगा

तुम उसे debug करना,

wait मैं करूंगा

तुम्हारा इंतेज़ार करते करते,

मैं सो गया

यह देखो मेरा connection,

time out हो गया.

ClassiC DefinitionS & CooL MeaningS

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ...

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.


22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest, except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......

Indian Business Sense

An Indian walks into a New York City bank and asks to see the loan officer. He tells loan officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys of a new Rolls Royce car parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything is checked out,and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled.

While you were away, we checked you out and found that u are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Indian replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

MEN vs WOMEN

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy



OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime



SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.



GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.



LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.




PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Computers in the Stone Age

Now Most of the software engineers may realize that computers have such a vast scope and are used since stone age. ;)

Only For Engineers:Know your Worth

Never under estimate your worth, the world is still at a primitive stage without you guys.
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